Thomas... 

I want to start a mission blog for this handsome missionary. I'm having a hard time getting it going. I come in here, sit down... and can't seem to start it. I'm thinking I must need to introduce him first...

My sister said it so well back in June, 7 months later and I still can't seem to put it all into words. 

This is Thomas. 

Almost 20 years ago, 

I bundled up this precious baby and placed him in the arms of the woman who would deliver him to his parents. 

I had never felt pain like that before. 

It was literally like having my heart ripped out of my chest. I've never cried so hard. Never hurt so much.

I knew I had made the right decision. I knew I had picked the people who were suppose to be his parents. Even knowing that, the pain didn't go away.

Over the next handful of years I got older. I'd like to say I matured, but those of you who know me, know that isn't true.

I got married to a great man. Had 4 beautiful babies, that I have been known to show off on this very blog. I love my family. I often felt like I had it all. Everything I had wanted. But even in all of that, I had a hole in my heart. A hole the size of a precious little boy.

I spent every one of his birthdays with my blinds shut, and closed off from most people. Every year it was a particularly hard day to get through. We had decided not to tell our kids about him until they were old enough to understand. I made him a birthday cake, and every year without knowing, my little family helped me celebrate his birthday.

My sisters would send me flowers just to let me know that they loved me and that they loved and missed him too.

I missed him and thought about him constantly, of course, but milestones were always harder.

I cried the day he would've gone to kindergarten. I would always check out the kids on my nephews soccer team. Thinking that he must be close by. I wondered about him starting Jr. High. How adolescence was treating him. On his 16th birthday I couldn't help but think about him driving a car, and was he safe while driving that car? What did he look like? Was he tall? 

On the day of my nephews graduation I had a bit of a nervous breakdown, just thinking that he could be there. And if not there, in another auditorium graduating.

After he turned 18, I went down to the adoption offices and gave them all of my updated information. It had been a closed adoption and I was told that when he was 18 he could look for me if he chose to. 

I went home and waited for a call. It never came. Not for a year.

For those of you who are LDS, you'll understand this. As his 19th birthday approached I had to assume that he was getting ready to leave on a mission. If he hadn't contacted me by then, I needed to come to grips with the fact that he had a family and didn't need me. Which is of course what I wanted for him. I'm just selfish and wanted to know him too.

As his birthday came closer I tried to talk myself into being ok without knowing him. I wasn't successful, but I was trying.

4 days before his 19th birthday I got a call from my neighbor and good friend. She insisted that I go to her house. We had to talk. 

To make a somewhat complicated story shorter I'll summarize.

A woman had gone to my friends husbands office in search

financial advice. After talking some and working together for a while, my friends husband realized that I was her sons BirthMom. I know it sounds unreal, but it's true. 

He knew she had 4 children, 1 boy, all adopted. My friends husband also knew that he shared a birthday with the baby I placed. When she was filling out paper work he noticed his birthday. It all matched up.

She asked him not to say anything to me. Thomas' parents actually already knew where I was and wanted to wait for Thomas to be ready to meet me.

He decided he was ready.

My friend and her husband set it all up with Thomas' Mom.

The very next day I was in my friends office waiting to meet the baby I hadn't seen in 19 years.

He walked into the office with his Mom. I took a deep breath and turned around, and there he was. Instantly that hole in my heart was healed. He was everything I thought he would be. 

I of course wanted to cry like a big fat baby, and tackle him in a hug. I tried to hold back, I didn't want to scare the crap out of him. I started with a hand shake. I introduced myself, he introduced himself. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to hug him. I'm not gonna lie, I did cry like a big fat baby too. I did try to dial it back a bit.

Then he introduced me to his Mom. I got to hug her, and thank her for being his Mom. 

Such a precious day.

We talked, and talked. For a couple hours. He's amazing. 

Just like that I had him back. I'm not his Mom, of course. He has a Great Mom. He also has a Great Dad and Step Mom. They all love him very much. I'm so grateful for them.

I'm so extremely happy I can hardly contain myself. 

My kids are happy to have a Big Brother. 

Sammy's prayers were answered, a big brother who likes video games. He's in heaven!

I couldn't have scripted a happier ending... 

and beginning.

Not long after I got to meet almost all of Thomas' family. 

His Dad and Step Mom and two of his sisters, and a nephew.

Another precious day.

Thomas is now serving a Mission. And loving it. And lucky for all of us, we all get to be a part of his life.

I not only got him back in my life, but I've gained an awesome extended family.

And Thomas has gained so many people who are falling all over themselves to love and get to know him. 

My family who also have waited with me for 19 years to see him again.

And, my husband and his family who have just accepted him, like he's always been here. 

So grateful for so many great people in my life.

The picture above is Thomas and I the day we met.  

Thomas and my kids

getting to know each other.

I know this is extremely cheesey, but...

My Cup Runneth Over.